ten ₱esos

On this date in 1985, Muslim hijackers took an Italian cruise ship carrying 400 persons, Achille Lauro, in the Mediterranean Sea.

another miscategorized, poorly-written PanamaCity.Craigslist.org ad:

Need a baby sitter? (Panama city, Fl)

Date: 2011-09-05, 11:17PM EDT
Reply to: job-rgewk-2____7@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

I am a 19 yrs old female and love kids and great with babies I have a job but would like to make some extra cash I have a valid licenses and clean record. I can babysit anyday after 330. Pay is negotiable! Just give me a email if you are intrested thank you!

• Location: Panama city, Fl
• Compensation: negotiable

another miscategorized Craigslist ad, from a primary school dropout in “mi”:

are there any local driving jobs (panama city)

Date: 2011-09-04, 10:10AM EDT
Reply to: job-jrbg_____357@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

Im looking for a decent paying local job ,I’m looking to relocate from mi , I have 12 + years driving exp flatbed stepdeck and 53 ft,vans ,if you know of any companys, let Me know and I will contact them thanks

Location: panama city

Compensation: open

Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.

another miscategorized, poorly-written Panama City Craigslist ad, from someone who has seen too many Transporter movies:

discreet driver/ no questions asked (anywhere)

Date: 2011-08-31, 12:30PM EDT
Reply to: job-uwk______9@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

I have 25 years of experience, I have driven all over the world, I ask no questions, as long as the money is good. I am a professional driver. I will transport anything w/o specifics. All I need to know is when and where the item is to be delivered. Serious inquiries only. I am retired Army looking for work. I have no problem in doing illegal shit.

another miscategorized Panama City Craigslist ad, from someone who is not skilled in writing:

Looking for Work (Lynn Haven)

Date: 2011-08-30, 12:15PM EDT
Reply to: job-mzcrp-257_____9@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

I am a 22 year old student is taking one class online this fall before he graduates this fall. Just like the title says I am looking for work in the area. PT/FT, Temp, anything would help me to start doing something with myself. I have multiple skills; including advertising, writing, clerical, etc. If you are hiring please contact me with details about the position. This way I we can find out if maybe I can fulfill what you are looking for in an employee.

News of Hurricane Irene reminded me of a ‘client’ who came to my office a few months ago. Here’s what I wrote then:

[Rescue Mission's Day Center]

military veteran: no

felon: no

h.s. grad: yes

driving license: no

motor vehicle: no

bicycle: no

cellular phone; no

e-mail account: no

computer literacy: no

résumé: no

knowledge of local job market: no »→

Another miscategorized, poorly-written PanamaCity.Craigslist.org help-wanted ad:

Where is the poster “looking for a reliable and dependable person?”

   Six dollars per day? Telecommuting is okay?  “No phone calls about this job?”

(S)he wrote, “call me” then posted a telephone number.

another dumb PanamaCity.Craigslist.org ad

$23 per hour? Right …

Data Entry Clerk (Florida)

Date: 2011-08-17, 1:03PM EDT
Reply to: job-q______399@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

Entering data information into specfic software database,also be responsible for light scanning, sorting and filing.
Qualified candidates should be computer savie and have over a 9,ooo keystroke with a high accurac. Interested candidates should reply and direct there resumes to Office Manager Compensation.

Location: Florida

Compensation: $23 per hour

roberts lawncare andscarpremovel (panmacity)

Date: 2011-08-15, 9:40AM EDT
Reply to: see below ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

i started my own bunines to do yard work and free scarp meatel removel small yards 25 TO 30 BIG YARDS 60 TO 80 HAVE ON LWN STUFF SO GIVE ME A call at 850 722 9680 or 850 ___ 1271

another PanamaCity.Craigslist.org ad:

wood restoration / painting (Fort wal. – Panama city)

Date: 2011-08-12, 1:43PM EDT
Reply to: job-8_______49@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

Construction / wood restoration and painting . Looking for a extra hand. The jobs are general located around the Fort Walton beach, destin an niceville areas. All of 30A included. Must be self motivated an have reliable transportation. Willing to pay by the hr. Location: Fort wal. – Panama city

• Compensation: 11-13$ Hr.

another PanamaCity.Craigslist.org advertisement:

Attic insulation installer (Panama city, surroundings)

Date: 2011-08-12, 11:14AM EDT
Reply to: job-5________75@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

Looking for attic insulation installers. Must be able to do overnight and out of state travel. There will be transportation provided and travel expense will be covered. Looking for an installers that have done previous attic work before and that has a valid drivers license. Serious applicants only please-515-___-1170 Calvin

a dumb PanamaCity.Craigslist.org advertisement:

Customer Service Representatives

Date: 2011-08-12, 8:49AM EDT
Reply to: job-______488@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

Customer Service Representatives needed ASAP!

No experience necessary, we provide training!!!!

Its 300$ a week or the commission!!!! ?

We need solid people so reply with your resume and contact number if this sounds like it’s for you.

On this date in 1974, disgraced President Richard Nixon announced that he’d resign after the exposition of his complicity in crime.

(updated December 17, 2011)

I’ve been noting misuses of the words “massive” and “massively” by broadcast journalists, news anchors, talking heads, race drivers, and sports commentators.

How does an accident have mass?  How does a fire have mass?  How does a number have mass? How does discussion have mass? How does a sinkhole have mass?

I’ve heard several British commentators saying “massive” on several automobile race broadcasts. If I had BBC News television channel, I’d probably hear “massive” many more times, when a talking head ought to say “large” or “huge” or “numerous.”

I’ve heard or read:

“massive profit hemorrhage” (Colbert Report, Sept. 6, 2011)

“massive annual profit-sharing checks” (Jalopnik.com, September 2011)

“massive issues” (American Le Mans Series race on ABC television)

“massively powerful cars” (How is power massive?)

“massive 500-point sell-off”

“massive amounts of discussion”

“Production is massively expensive”

“sell a massive amount of souvenirs” (Curt Cavin, IndyStar.com)(Certainly souvenirs have mass.) »→

A pathetic excuse for a prayer, before a NASCRAP race that was near Nashville, Tennessee:

»→

John was driving down a street, beginning to sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

He prayed, “Lord, please help me!

If You find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up bourbon!“

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

John looked upward and said,
“Never mind; I found one.“